A Reflective Read

I recently finished reading "Walking Home" by Sonia Choquette.

It the story of her 34 day walk of the ancient 800km pilgrimage path across Spain; the Camino de Santiago.  I love traveling; I love Spain; I love walking; I love the idea of the Camino and I really enjoyed one of Sonia Choquette's books and so for me this was a definite read! 

I thoroughly enjoyed the book and loved how she wrote it in a diary format. Being a spiritual teacher and intuitive guide, her book is not just about her grueling journey but also a deeply inward reflection of where she was at in her life and how she got there.  She reflects on a number of her personal relationships and her behaviour and role in them.  While reading this, it inspired me to look at some of my relationships, especially one I find particularly challenging and whose company I was in at the time. It was a wonderful exercise for me and helped me to reflect on where I was at in this particular relationship and why my buttons were being pushed and that they could only really be buttons because they were my issues.  I went on daily walks along the beach and felt like I was doing a tiny little Camino walk myself everyday. It was wonderful.

I also really liked the option she chose of having 2 back packs and only carrying the smaller one with the other one being transported for her to her accommodation each night.  Also her accommodation was slightly upmarket from the pilgrims' albergues that most people traditionally stay in.  Initially my thoughts were along the lines of 'is that not cheating or opting for the easy route?' However, when I really sat with it, I realised that we don't need to be martyrs and that just doing the Camino itself requires huge guts and determination and everyone must find their own journey and work with what suits them best.  I had to laugh when she spoke about bumping into a busload of tourists who walked little stretches of the Camino and then hopped onto the bus that whisked them off to the next little stretch. Now to me that feels like cheating, but to some of those on the bus, it is probably what they can realistically manage and if that works for them, who am I to judge.

The Camino is on my bucket list and I am hoping to do it when my girls are a bit older and I can get away for such a long stretch of time.

If the Camino is something that interests you, I would definitely recommend reading it and if you enjoy Sonia Choquette's work, then it is lovely to get to know her a bit better.

Spirituality

I recently looked through my book, Sacred Circles, the other day and came upon this definition of Spirituality which really resonates with me.  

It says, "Spirit comes from the Latin spirare to breathe.  In essence, our spirit is what animates and quickens us, what makes us alive.  Spirituality, then, in our view, is the practice of staying consciously connected with what makes us alive, with our own selves, with one another, and with the Great Other."  

I also resonate with their thinking that "such 'definitions' are never to be settled on for long," because that is what it has been for me, a continuously evolving understanding of Divinity as I grow more and more into myself.

Indulging in an Artist's Date

Julia Cameron in her book "The Artist's Way" encourages us to have a regular (once a week if possible) artist's date with ourselves, where we do something that we love or go somewhere on a date with ourselves, be it browsing through some lovely shops or an art gallery, watching a movie, going for a walk on the beach, going to a coffee shop and having something yummy to eat, taking a half an hour out in the garden with a cup of tea and a magazine, going to the local bookstore ... whatever it is that fills your tank. So last week Thursday, the same day I discovered that enchanting bookstore in the 13th century church, I took an entire day to do just that, in the magical city of Maastricht.  Here are some of the delights I found ...

Maastricht here I come!

Amazing tea variety in a local tea shop

How beautiful

Mint leaves served in glasses to make your own mint tea 

Different flavoured hot chocolate lollies for your hot chocolate drink in a true chocolaterie

Douwe Egberts Coffee Shop

Traditional Limburg's Tarts

Cheese anyone?

Candles in the famous Basilica of Our Lady - my granny's favourite church

But ofcourse!

Love this light 

Love the name!

Sacred Bookstore

The passed week, I spent some wonderful time with my mom and my family in The Netherlands.  I also got to visit my most favorite city in the world, Maastricht.  I think it is a beautiful city with rich history and is the place that my dad grew up.  I've spent many a wonderful time in that city and have such fond memories of it.  It is also a magical place to shop with really trendy shops scattered down cobbled alleyways and historic buildings, so I set aside a whole day last Thursday to indulge. 

During my shopping spree, my cousin and I came across a beautiful old 13th century Dominican church that had been converted into a bookstore. It is the popular Dutch bookstore chain, Selexyz. I absolutely loved it!  What a great idea for a church that is no longer in use.  I really wished that my bookworm daughter and father had been with me to share in the beauty of it.

There was also a coffee shop in the church/bookstore and I love how the coffee table was shaped into a cross.  Very clever!

Messages for my bookworms

The Children's section

Truth ...

I have this gorgeous little book that I got from a dear friend of mine 

and on Tues in my circle group I randomly opened it up to this page and these were the words of wisdom that flowed out ...

 

Here's to the truth that shall set us free!  

Because only in being true to ourselves about who we really are and what we really want, will we be free to live the fullest and most magnificent version of ourselves.

Rest is a Weapon

This is the new motto in my group of friends, and as the universe always does so beautifully, it backed it up with more and more for me to take note of.  

Recently, a woman in one of my circle groups, who runs her own business, has two very young children, and who is always sleep deprived, shared with us a gem from Arianna Huffington, the co-founder of the Huffington Post and author of numerous books.  It is an interview with her about the impact the lack of sleep had on her and her research into it.  She describes herself as a sleep evangelist.  She literally talks about sleeping our way to the top of the corporation!

Now, my relationship with sleep has always been a bit of a battle.  I absolutely LOVE my sleep, but to get my self to bed on time is a whole different matter.  Almost every night, it's the same story!!  "Tonight", I declare to exhausted morning self, "I will get into bed early!" And I truly mean it. I've even gone as far as pleading with the angels to help me get into bed early! :-)  And then most nights, when it comes to it, I just don't manage it.  There is always something I am busy with and 'have' to finish, whether it is tidying up the kitchen after putting the kids to bed, checking and signing their homework or quickly checking through emails, searching the net, or reading my book, writing, blogging ...  Plus, I hate leaving something undone and not finished.  I think I am also a bit of a night owl to be honest. Often, at eight thirty in the evening when my hubby says he's off to bed, I feel a kind of horror or panic, because it is 'still so early' and there's lots I still want to do. It probably also stems from not getting to do my things from about one in the afternoon when I fetch my children from school until about eight at night, and so there is an urgency to get stuff done when they have gone to bed.   As a result, I am often sleep deprived, feel it, look it and then always complain about it to myself in my morning pages!! Same story, different day. 

Yet my mother on the other hand, makes sure she gets enough rest and I have watched her this last year and a half and how the amount of rest she has, has helped her physically cope with the stress and angst of losing my dad.  She has not been ill with flu or any kind of bug in the last couple of years and I firmly believe it is because she gives her body the rest it needs. Even when she was visiting my dad in hospital everyday for five months, in among all the bugs there and especially with my dad having contracted more than one super bug.  I on the other hand, have been ill countless times and I know it is always because I have not had enough sleep, so where I cannot honour my body's needs, it forces me to rest when I am pushing it too hard, and it is always with a cold!!  According to Louise Hay, a cold is when there is too much going on in one's life and mind.  Well that fits the picture for me most times.  

So I love what Arianna had to say in this interview and her new book, "Thrive." Take a look. 

I have also added two other questions she was asked in another interview and her response to those because I think they are very powerful.  
You've described yourself as a "sleep evangelist"...  How has it improved your life?

Since I renewed my estranged relationship with sleep, it improved my life immeasurably. I feel more creative, less stressed, and more productive. Sleep is now a major editorial focus for us at the Huffington Post, and we also have two nap rooms that are constantly booked. And last year I gave all my friends the same Christmas gift -- a Pottery Barn alarm clock, so they could stop using the excuse that they needed their very tempting and sleep-depriving iPhone by their bed to wake them up in the morning! 

How amazing is that?  A nap room?!  I think it is ingenious and so honouring of our lives and that we might just need a nap to function properly and be more creative today!  So forward thinking.  In a video clip of Elizabeth Gilbert's home, she takes us through her amazing 'skybrary' where she has done a lot of her writing and there in the one corner is a huge king size bed for when a nap is needed when her creativity is low.

And then this comparison blew me away ...
So it’s about changing our priorities?I was looking at my phone and saw that it was 95% charged and I thought, we are so much more conscious about how charged our phones are versus how charged we are. It’s too bad we don’t have the same kind of indicator to show how depleted we are. We have a million ways to recharge our phones, portable chargers, cables, extra battery packs, but look at how we treat ourselves. Our own energy has to be below 5% before we figure out that we need to sleep, to recharge, to take a break. That has to change.

So my wise body always speaks for me when I just cannot let go of the doing, and forces me to rest.  Why can't I just acknowledge and allow myself the rest to recharge like I do with everything else?  This last week I have been more conscious of getting into bed even twenty minutes earlier and allowing my body the rest it needs so that I can function better the next day, even just in my relationships!


Rest has become my new weapon!

"Endings and Beginnings" by Redi Thlabi

I've just finished reading Redi Tlhabi's book "Endings and Beginnings" for which she won the 2013 Alon Paton award. When we lived in Johannesburg, I used to really enjoy her 702 morning talk show and so I was intrigued to find out more about her and the story she wrote.  

I was very moved by the story of her as an 11 year old girl and what she experienced. Though she is younger than me, it made me very aware of how different her life as a young girl growing up in Soweto, Johannesburg was to mine.  I also grew up in Johannesburg, but in the suburbs, not too far from where she lived. While there is the obvious difference of lack of resources and access to basic necessities such as proper housing, sanitation, running water and electricity, for me the stark difference was in what these children were exposed to at such a young age; violence, gangsters, the loss of innocence and the fear of walking home from school in case one was violated by thugs.  My eldest daughter turns 11 this year, the same age Redi was when she talks about her life in Soweto and there is such a strong contrast in the two lives as well as that of my own. My big fears at that age were failing a test or exam and not doing well in my swimming competitions!  My concerns for my girls are the same; doing well at school and sport; growing up to be responsible and emotionally intelligent adults and making sure they follow their dreams.  
The book also begs of me the question, how can two such extreme societies and lives exist in the same town?  How is that even remotely possible?  How could my life coexist at the same time as these children and yet be so unbelievably different. How come I knew nothing about this?  Sadly this was and still is the reality of South Africa and many places of the world today. Still, these extreme opposites exist in my world, the difference is that I am aware of it, but am not able to change it. My domestic worker and her family face the same fear returning home from work everyday, that Redi did as a young child returning home from school.  Rape is such a common widespread crime in South Africa and sadly it is still the victim that bears the curse and brunt of it in their communities. It's insane.  My domestic worker still today has no access to proper housing or ablution facilities yet she arrives every weekday to her job looking impeccable and brings such joy and laughter into my home. How she does it I don't know.  She is a complete blessing to our family and I am so grateful to her, yet I cannot change her family and friends' circumstances.

The book also stirs in the me the discomfort of the ugliness of the world we live in and how that can even find a place in this world?  While I totally agree with Redi's ideas about how the lack of love; how shame, ridicule and isolation feeds and grows these 'monsters' and how poorly women are viewed in our society, I still wonder at the universe and people and how all of this can happen.

Then underlying it all for me is truth.  Had the truth been spoken and had people's truth been honoured and respected, this tragedy would not have happened.  To me this is what underpins life; truth, to yourself and others.  I really admire Redi for taking the courage to speak the truth of what lay in her heart.

Here is a video clip of an interview Redi did with the Mail & Guardian about her book.

Gifts Rooted in Pain ...

I recently watched the movie, "Saving Mr Banks" which tells the story of the author of "Mary Poppins", P.L.Travers, and her reluctance to allow Walt Disney to bring her beloved Mary Poppins to screen.  Flashbacks into her childhood occur throughout the movie and from that one gets the picture of how the story of Mary Poppins unfolded as well as her deep, deep sadness of her father's battle with alcoholism.

Sitting at the end of the movie with tears pouring down my face, I was reminded of Roald Dahl and his book "Boy. Tales of Childhood" which also delve into his earlier years and the hardships he dealt with.  It made me think how the pain that each author went through led to the most magnificent stories that children will just love for years to come.  Roald Dahl battled with horrible teachers, matrons and headmasters at the English boarding schools he went to and many of his books revolve around children outwitting and getting the better of the nasty adults and teachers.  Just think of Matilda and it's all there in one book. 

Both these authors managed to turn around some of their childhood pain and leave a precious gift to the world. I am so grateful that they did.  I am also so grateful to Walt Disney for keeping his promise to his daughters even if it took him twenty years, and to Pamela Travers for finally allowing her beloved Mary Poppins to shine on the screen and warm the hearts of so many.

Here is the trailer of "Saving Mr Banks."

The Desire Map Retreat

Last week, four of us took ourselves off to the magnificent Buddhist Retreat Centre in Ixopo for a three day retreat.  Here's what it looked like ... yoga mats, cameras, pillows, books, coloured pens, journals, The Desire Map ...

All packed and ready to go ...

 My beautiful serene room ... ah simplicity!

Magnificent nature all around us ...

Danielle Laporte's "The Desire Map" to guide us on our inward journey and snacks, tea and coffee to keep us going ...

A fire to warm us ...

The Labyrinth and walks to contemplate ...

A sanctuary to hold us ...

Delicious food to nourish and replenish us ...

And the magic unveiled and its charm enfolded us ...

I left feeling enchanted, spacious and nourished.

I left feeling immersed in life and immensely grateful for our bravery, honesty and realness with each other and for the magic of the friendship we have kindled over the past two years.  

I left feeling very blessed.

My Wabi-Sabi Self

My hubby recently came back from a trip to New York with the January/February copy of Experience Life magazine, saying that he thought there were some articles in it that I would enjoy. He was spot on.  I was absolutely delighted to find this article by Jessie Sholl, and to be introduced to the Japanese philosophy of wabi sabi.   (Don't you just love that name!!)

From Wikipedia, I gleaned the following definitions of both words.  ''Wabi now connotes rustic simplicity, freshness or quietness, and can be applied to both natural and human-made objects, or understated elegance. It can also refer to quirks and anomalies arising from the process of construction, which add uniqueness and elegance to the object. Sabi is beauty or serenity that comes with age, when the life of the object and its impermanence are evidenced in its patina and wear, or in any visible repairs.'

In the article, the writer introduces it as follows, "I learned about the Japanese concept of wabi-sabi, or 'imperfect beauty.'  The concept has its roots in the traditional Japanese tea ceremony and is sometimes explained by using the example of a well-loved tea cup, made by an artist's hands, cracked or chipped by use.  Such traces remind the observer that nothing is permanent - even fixed objects are subject to change."  Of-course I was now intrigued: tea ceremony and a deep, meaningful philosophy on life!  That is definitely a concept to share on my blog.

Jessie talks about how she noticed her body starting to age, her feelings about it and even the change in how people viewed her and addressed her.  She mentions how at first it really bothered her, but how she slowly realised that 'lamenting lost youth was, at best, an exercise in futility.'  She quotes Richard Powell in his book, "Wabi Sabi Simple" where he acknowledges three simple realities:  "Nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect."  What a simple, realistic and powerful perspective on life.  I think it would alleviate so much heartache and angst for many of us, let alone all the physical pain some people put themselves through to change what they believe are flaws.

She also talks about how the wabi sabi philosophy gives a different perspective to our Western ideal of beauty, which originally stems from classical Greece and which celebrates smooth, symmetrical perfection. Wabi Sabi however, prizes authenticity. " The cracks in the old tea cup are seen as assets rather than flaws."  I just love that.  I also love how she encourages us to adopt a wabi-sabi outlook and how it can be both eye opening and mind opening.  "By perceiving ourselves through this generous lens, we can stop endlessly striving for the ideal body and focus instead on real physical health."  And I want to add to that and say give gratitude for our bodies, for the health of our bodies and deep appreciation for what they allow us to do.

I'm definitely going to be doing a bit more research on wabi-sabi.  Here are two books that I am putting on my wish list ... 

Own Unique Essence

In the holidays I finished reading the book, 'Dying To Be Me' by Anita Moorjani.  It is a beautiful book with such a powerful message and I would recommend it to everyone.  In fact if I had it my way, it would be a compulsory school read for Life Skills.  Oh wow - that would be magical.  Anita had a Near Death Experience (NDE) after going into a coma and experiencing organ failure from advanced stages of cancer. When she came out of her coma she experienced a complete miraculous healing that baffled doctors and oncologists all over.

I want to share some of the paragraphs in the book that really spoke to me ...

"I saw my life intricately woven into everything I had known so far.  My experience was like a single thread woven through the huge and complexly colorful images of an infinite tapestry.  All the other threads and colors represented my relationships, including every life I had touched ... whether they had related to me in a positive or negative way.  Every single encounter was woven together to create the fabric that was the sum of my life up to this point.  I may have been only one thread, yet I was integral to the overall finished picture.
Seeing this I understood that I owed it to myself, to everyone I met, and to life itself to always be an expression of my own unique essence.  Trying to be anything or anyone else didn't make me better - it just deprived me of my true self!  It kept others experiencing me for who I am and it deprived me of interacting authentically with them.  Being inauthentic also deprives the universe of who I came here to be and what I came to express."

I really sat with that for a while because we hear so much about living authentically, but her last sentence really stood out for me as I had never thought of it that way; by not being true to ourselves, we deprive the universe, not just ourselves.  That held a big weight for me.  "Each one of us is a gift to those around us, helping each other be who we are, weaving a perfect picture together."

She also goes on to say, "You may frown or cringe at the thought, but I can't stress how important it is to cultivate a deep love affair with yourself.  I don't recall ever being encouraged to cherish myself - in fact, it would never even have occurred to me to do so.  It's commonly thought of as being selfish.  But my NDE allowed me to realise that this was the key to my healing ... I understood that to be me is to be love.  This is the lesson that saved my life"  

How powerful is that?  As a parent, I think that that is the most important lesson you can show your children. By just being yourself, giving yourself permission to be who you truly are, you are loving yourself and automatically loving those around you.

"I knew that was really the only purpose of life: to be our self, live our truth, and be the love that we are."

Okay, no need to say any more!  I strongly recommend you get yourself a copy of this amazing book and share it with as many people as possible.

On my bookshelf

These are the books I am currently or have just finished reading ...

I really enjoyed Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.  Her parenting method is definitely extreme in our western society, but I loved some of her thinking. For instance, the idea of not pushing your child or allowing them to give up on something, amounts to not fully believing in their total potential.  Gives one some food for thought!

Broken Open was just beautiful.  I loved the real life stories, the beautiful quotes and poems, the sharing and the insights.

I am still in the early pages of Destiny of Souls and I am quite drawn to it with my dad having just passed on.

Then, The Fire Starter Sessions by Danielle LaPorte came about because we had finished reading The Artist's Way, and one of our group saw this book and inside it said something about this book being "the bad ass version of The Artist's Way" so we decided to move onto that.  We have only just completed 2 chapters, but I am really really enjoying that too.