Dear Pascale
Schroenn,
We are heading for that
time of year when children get awards for their performance in the
classroom or on the sports field - or they don't.
There is often a small
core of children who repeatedly get awards year after year, and then
there is the mixed bunch surrounding this core that changes each
year. A child receiving an award is at his or her best, right
now. But the reality is that our children grow, shift and change
all the time and this means that they will peak in different areas of their
lives at different times.
The mastery timeline for
intellectual, physical and emotional development is not cast in
stone. There are things we can do to help our children to sharpen
the saw in certain areas, but sometimes it's time, maturity and patience
that are required.
I also believe that
children grow and develop in different ways every year, many of which,
may not even be directly connected to academics or sport, but may in fact
be as, or more, important. For example, it might be your child's
year to grow in confidence. Many small successes in a multitude of
areas, some of which may not be publically recognised, may be just what
is required to prepare the platform for your child to go on and shine at
some future time. Perhaps it has been a year of repeated
disappointments, of not making sports teams or just missing the marks
they were aiming for, or a year characterised by breaking up of
friendships or friends moving schools or countries. This kind of year
provides the opportunity to learn about failure, disappointment and
perseverance. And some children have the odd year when their health
is more compromised, in some instances, just because they have grown very
fast, and this too will impact on their performance both on and off the
field.
No two years are the
same. We need to embrace them all and ask ourselves:
- What were
the lessons this year provided?
- What were
the worst parts of the year?
- What were
the best parts of the year?
- How are
we, or how is our child, stronger for the experience?
- Is there anything
we need to change for next year?
When you have had this
conversation as parents, then you can casually and, when and if
appropriate, introduce the conversation to your child, to help him/her to
discover the lessons and to grow from them positively. In this way
you will be helping to break through their limiting thoughts, to 'unbox'
themselves, so to speak.
All children need
something to strive for and measure themselves against which is why we
have standards, norms and award systems. Measuring your child only
against the annual school awards can, for many, be a very unfair
benchmarking tool. It can also, however, be a fantastic starting
point for a conversation about individual differences, their gifts and
talents and all the good things they bring into your life and the lives
of others.
Children need to know
that you are there every step of the way, encouraging and applauding
their development, regardless of the awards they do or do not
receive. Remember that you see a lot of amazing things that others
never will. We need our kids to fully believe in the concept that
everyone shines at some time or another and in very different ways.
They need to be happy for those who shine today, for it is their moment,
and hold on to the belief that, "If I keep learning, practicing and
growing, my time will one day come, in its very own way." And
that's okay.
Please see Nikki's website, Nikki Bush, for some really interesting and thought provoking ideas around parenting and playing with your children!
Have a beautiful weekend!
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