Almost ...

"You look so calm and relaxed," I said to my friend Zoe as she sat casually on the tailgate of her car last Thursday afternoon.  Without hesitation, she replied, "that's because I swam with the dolphins this morning." 

"OMG!! No ways?! Wow!!" was my reply.  Even though I was in a bit of a rush, I had to hear about it.  Zoe is a real lover of the ocean and the beach and generally walks and meditates on the beach daily.  She also has a life guard qualification and even trains life guards. On that day, while on her walk, she spotted some dolphins far out beyond the breakers. She quickly put on her snorkel, mask and fins, and off she went (in her clothes having left her costume behind.) She said it was a hard twenty minute swim (and even the life guards on duty had said they wouldn't have gone out that far) but so worth it she said, as she got to play with them for about half an hour.  I was totally in awe.  While this is not uncommon for Zoe; she has gone out to swim with dolphins many times over the years, for me, it is really big.  I have only ever swum with them once, that being on an organised tour in Mocambique.  I asked her if she isn't afraid to go out that far on her own, and she said straight out, "you mustn't go into the ocean if you are in fear, you will carry that energy in with you."  We spoke a bit about it and I know there is no real logic in me feeling safer with another person out there in the big wide ocean, because really, what are they going to do if something comes along and grabs me?!  So I have huge admiration for her fearlessness and love of the ocean.

Then today, while walking on the beach, deep in thought, I turned around to check on my girls swimming in the sea.  There, not far from the shore, I saw the unmistakable gleaming grey-black figures of two graceful dolphins!!  And then I saw more! They were swimming playfully along and I just knew, I had to go out and try to get to them.  So I ran back along the beach as fast as I could, asking them to please wait for me and that I really, really wanted to swim with them. They were by no means in any hurry and seemed to be gliding along casually.  I got to my bag, quickly whipped off my clothes and pulled on my costume, not caring if anyone saw me getting unchanged (and anyway, it was early so there were only a few fisherman up ahead and a few surfer's kids.)   I grabbed my daughter's hand and said, "lets go swim with the dolphins!"  I could see she was frightened and excited.  "Will they, um, maybe bite me mom?  I know they have sharp teeth?"  I reassured her that it would be fine and that they wouldn't harm her.  My logic and her fear; the same as Zoe's logic and my fear?!

We ran to the water and dived straight in, swimming out as fast as we could, although I could sense my daughter was very hesitant.  I shouted out to my other daughter who was already in the water to join us. The two other kids heard me and there was so much excitement in the air. I also managed to get my hubby's attention as he was surfing at the time. He came and joined us and got my girls out to the sand bank to try and see the dolphins, but he said they were too far out for the girls.  My older daughter was visibly quite relieved. She had been saved! My hubby, not sensing my desperate need to get out to the dolphins, focused his attention on helping my younger daughter catch some waves on his surfboard.  So now it was just me on the sandbank, the breakers ahead and the dolphins beyond.  I was all fired up!!

So I started swimming out and managed to get under a few of those breakers, which weren't too bad at all.  But now, venturing out and leaving the 'safety' of company and the sandbank, my excitement, thrill and determination to get to those dolphins was slowly replaced by that sense of 'really being out there alone', my hubby's words of "too far out" and my own fears around the breakers crashing down on me. The dolphins were about 200 meters from me, not far at all I think, but far enough when you are out there on your own.  So l slowly let myself get washed back to the sand bank to contemplate and hopefully get my hubby to come out with me.  But he was busy with my youngest and I could see that she needed his help at that particular time.  I knew time was passing and that they wouldn't be there forever, but I just couldn't convince myself to go and when my hubby finally got to me, the dolphins had slowly started swimming away and then they were gone.  

I had missed my opportunity.  I sorely missed my friend Zoe  We could have gotten to them together for sure and she most definitely would have saved me from the 'big-bad-out-there-alone!'

It was so close ... almost!