Opening the Door to the Heavens ...

I really like this 'Dharma Comic" and loved Elizabeth Lesser's book, "Broken Open" so I thought it would be lovely to share for the weekend. I have seen it over and over again in my women's circles; just the sheer bravery and honesty of where you are at today is profound and shifts you, whether minutely or gigantically, but there is something to be said for being real with where you are at in your life!

Off the Grid

We've got no electricity at the moment and it reminds me of how I've been off the grid of my blog for a while!! I've really missed it.  

My mom's been very unwell ;  in and out of hospital and the circumstances leading up to it very scary and heartbreaking.  So I have been very involved in helping her this last month.  It almost feels like a small bomb has gone off in my life, changing its landscape completely, and I am in survival mode doing bits here and there, dealing with the most urgent things as they crop up. It's quite a radical comparison, but my life as I knew it before my dad died a year ago,  has changed irrevocably, especially being the only child.  I've been dealing with my mom's incredible heartsore, loss, the sale of her flat, her admin, her idiosyncrasies and now also her ill health. Not only that, but also the loss for me of my very special dad, the sad circumstances leading up to his death, and all that that brings with it.  Then there is also the sense of a loss of the carefree child.  Now the responsibility lies on me with regard to my mom. Things like banking, investments, healthcare, legal documents, housing, travel, insurance, etc have all fallen into my lap. Things that are not really my strength or my joy but that take up huge time. I know it's the norm in many places and cultures to take in a parent and care for them,  but it definitely requires an adjustment to your life, mindset and time. It's the shift from being 'the child' to now being the adult child.  

I guess beforehand I was really fortunate as my folks were phenomenal with our kids;  when we were still in Johannesburg they often had the kids over, or helped with lifts to school or extra murals while we worked and then when the kids were a bit older, they took them for the odd few days while my hubby and I traveled.  But that resource has now gone and it too is a huge loss, for both the kids and us. 

Then there is also my mother's deep, deep grief .   That has been very painful to taste and see, especially not being able to help. It feels like I am standing on a boat in this rocky stage of her life,  throwing a lifeline out to her, and she reaches out and grabs it, but then a wave of deep grief knocks it right out of her hands again and she starts sinking. So I throw it out to her again and she weakly reaches out to grab it and the whole process starts all over again.  And all I can keep doing, is to throw out that life line! Either she'll eventually manage to hang on to it or the relentless waves of her grief will take her down with them.

So in essence, I have also been off the grid of my own independent, though not totally carefree life, for a long while now and I really miss that too. I miss my dad; I miss the care freeness of just being the child with strong, healthy parents; I miss having my folks as I knew them and I miss doing the things that I really enjoy doing or rather, I miss doing them in a consistent flow rather than the stop-start stop-start of it all.  At times it has also been very frustrating and taxing, especially the distance, as my parents have been in Johannesburg all this time, so my heart, time and energy have been split in two places and between two families; my own and my parents. 

Being somewhat of a hermit in my being, all of this is deeply challenging for me as I could quite easily just disappear into my own space and be very content just doing my own thing all day long; an only child's indulgence!  Yet, despite  all that, and despite all her idiosyncrasies, I have also enjoyed caring for my mom and I discovered this week that the very act of just washing her hair for her and styling it for her has been immensely gratifying and nourishing. 

And so, where to from here, I don't know? We've been taking it just one day at a time and that in itself is new to me.  I guess it's time for a new kind of grid and a new kind of normal. 

Rest is a Weapon

This is the new motto in my group of friends, and as the universe always does so beautifully, it backed it up with more and more for me to take note of.  

Recently, a woman in one of my circle groups, who runs her own business, has two very young children, and who is always sleep deprived, shared with us a gem from Arianna Huffington, the co-founder of the Huffington Post and author of numerous books.  It is an interview with her about the impact the lack of sleep had on her and her research into it.  She describes herself as a sleep evangelist.  She literally talks about sleeping our way to the top of the corporation!

Now, my relationship with sleep has always been a bit of a battle.  I absolutely LOVE my sleep, but to get my self to bed on time is a whole different matter.  Almost every night, it's the same story!!  "Tonight", I declare to exhausted morning self, "I will get into bed early!" And I truly mean it. I've even gone as far as pleading with the angels to help me get into bed early! :-)  And then most nights, when it comes to it, I just don't manage it.  There is always something I am busy with and 'have' to finish, whether it is tidying up the kitchen after putting the kids to bed, checking and signing their homework or quickly checking through emails, searching the net, or reading my book, writing, blogging ...  Plus, I hate leaving something undone and not finished.  I think I am also a bit of a night owl to be honest. Often, at eight thirty in the evening when my hubby says he's off to bed, I feel a kind of horror or panic, because it is 'still so early' and there's lots I still want to do. It probably also stems from not getting to do my things from about one in the afternoon when I fetch my children from school until about eight at night, and so there is an urgency to get stuff done when they have gone to bed.   As a result, I am often sleep deprived, feel it, look it and then always complain about it to myself in my morning pages!! Same story, different day. 

Yet my mother on the other hand, makes sure she gets enough rest and I have watched her this last year and a half and how the amount of rest she has, has helped her physically cope with the stress and angst of losing my dad.  She has not been ill with flu or any kind of bug in the last couple of years and I firmly believe it is because she gives her body the rest it needs. Even when she was visiting my dad in hospital everyday for five months, in among all the bugs there and especially with my dad having contracted more than one super bug.  I on the other hand, have been ill countless times and I know it is always because I have not had enough sleep, so where I cannot honour my body's needs, it forces me to rest when I am pushing it too hard, and it is always with a cold!!  According to Louise Hay, a cold is when there is too much going on in one's life and mind.  Well that fits the picture for me most times.  

So I love what Arianna had to say in this interview and her new book, "Thrive." Take a look. 

I have also added two other questions she was asked in another interview and her response to those because I think they are very powerful.  
You've described yourself as a "sleep evangelist"...  How has it improved your life?

Since I renewed my estranged relationship with sleep, it improved my life immeasurably. I feel more creative, less stressed, and more productive. Sleep is now a major editorial focus for us at the Huffington Post, and we also have two nap rooms that are constantly booked. And last year I gave all my friends the same Christmas gift -- a Pottery Barn alarm clock, so they could stop using the excuse that they needed their very tempting and sleep-depriving iPhone by their bed to wake them up in the morning! 

How amazing is that?  A nap room?!  I think it is ingenious and so honouring of our lives and that we might just need a nap to function properly and be more creative today!  So forward thinking.  In a video clip of Elizabeth Gilbert's home, she takes us through her amazing 'skybrary' where she has done a lot of her writing and there in the one corner is a huge king size bed for when a nap is needed when her creativity is low.

And then this comparison blew me away ...
So it’s about changing our priorities?I was looking at my phone and saw that it was 95% charged and I thought, we are so much more conscious about how charged our phones are versus how charged we are. It’s too bad we don’t have the same kind of indicator to show how depleted we are. We have a million ways to recharge our phones, portable chargers, cables, extra battery packs, but look at how we treat ourselves. Our own energy has to be below 5% before we figure out that we need to sleep, to recharge, to take a break. That has to change.

So my wise body always speaks for me when I just cannot let go of the doing, and forces me to rest.  Why can't I just acknowledge and allow myself the rest to recharge like I do with everything else?  This last week I have been more conscious of getting into bed even twenty minutes earlier and allowing my body the rest it needs so that I can function better the next day, even just in my relationships!


Rest has become my new weapon!

"Endings and Beginnings" by Redi Thlabi

I've just finished reading Redi Tlhabi's book "Endings and Beginnings" for which she won the 2013 Alon Paton award. When we lived in Johannesburg, I used to really enjoy her 702 morning talk show and so I was intrigued to find out more about her and the story she wrote.  

I was very moved by the story of her as an 11 year old girl and what she experienced. Though she is younger than me, it made me very aware of how different her life as a young girl growing up in Soweto, Johannesburg was to mine.  I also grew up in Johannesburg, but in the suburbs, not too far from where she lived. While there is the obvious difference of lack of resources and access to basic necessities such as proper housing, sanitation, running water and electricity, for me the stark difference was in what these children were exposed to at such a young age; violence, gangsters, the loss of innocence and the fear of walking home from school in case one was violated by thugs.  My eldest daughter turns 11 this year, the same age Redi was when she talks about her life in Soweto and there is such a strong contrast in the two lives as well as that of my own. My big fears at that age were failing a test or exam and not doing well in my swimming competitions!  My concerns for my girls are the same; doing well at school and sport; growing up to be responsible and emotionally intelligent adults and making sure they follow their dreams.  
The book also begs of me the question, how can two such extreme societies and lives exist in the same town?  How is that even remotely possible?  How could my life coexist at the same time as these children and yet be so unbelievably different. How come I knew nothing about this?  Sadly this was and still is the reality of South Africa and many places of the world today. Still, these extreme opposites exist in my world, the difference is that I am aware of it, but am not able to change it. My domestic worker and her family face the same fear returning home from work everyday, that Redi did as a young child returning home from school.  Rape is such a common widespread crime in South Africa and sadly it is still the victim that bears the curse and brunt of it in their communities. It's insane.  My domestic worker still today has no access to proper housing or ablution facilities yet she arrives every weekday to her job looking impeccable and brings such joy and laughter into my home. How she does it I don't know.  She is a complete blessing to our family and I am so grateful to her, yet I cannot change her family and friends' circumstances.

The book also stirs in the me the discomfort of the ugliness of the world we live in and how that can even find a place in this world?  While I totally agree with Redi's ideas about how the lack of love; how shame, ridicule and isolation feeds and grows these 'monsters' and how poorly women are viewed in our society, I still wonder at the universe and people and how all of this can happen.

Then underlying it all for me is truth.  Had the truth been spoken and had people's truth been honoured and respected, this tragedy would not have happened.  To me this is what underpins life; truth, to yourself and others.  I really admire Redi for taking the courage to speak the truth of what lay in her heart.

Here is a video clip of an interview Redi did with the Mail & Guardian about her book.

Gifts Rooted in Pain ...

I recently watched the movie, "Saving Mr Banks" which tells the story of the author of "Mary Poppins", P.L.Travers, and her reluctance to allow Walt Disney to bring her beloved Mary Poppins to screen.  Flashbacks into her childhood occur throughout the movie and from that one gets the picture of how the story of Mary Poppins unfolded as well as her deep, deep sadness of her father's battle with alcoholism.

Sitting at the end of the movie with tears pouring down my face, I was reminded of Roald Dahl and his book "Boy. Tales of Childhood" which also delve into his earlier years and the hardships he dealt with.  It made me think how the pain that each author went through led to the most magnificent stories that children will just love for years to come.  Roald Dahl battled with horrible teachers, matrons and headmasters at the English boarding schools he went to and many of his books revolve around children outwitting and getting the better of the nasty adults and teachers.  Just think of Matilda and it's all there in one book. 

Both these authors managed to turn around some of their childhood pain and leave a precious gift to the world. I am so grateful that they did.  I am also so grateful to Walt Disney for keeping his promise to his daughters even if it took him twenty years, and to Pamela Travers for finally allowing her beloved Mary Poppins to shine on the screen and warm the hearts of so many.

Here is the trailer of "Saving Mr Banks."

A Family Bush Retreat

Just recently my family and I spent five absolutely magical days at a friend's bush camp in the Timbavati.  It has been one of the best short break holidays I have ever had.  I really, really love the African bush and to me it is a whole different world, a whole different vibe, a whole different language and I can literally feel my soul recharging and my heart singing.  Our hosts were Melina and Andreas Liebenberg from Bateleur Eco Safari's and I cannot sing their praises enough.  Andreas is like a Professor Dumbledore of the bush, from his knowledge, his experience, his patience and teaching skills down to his obvious love for what he does. The assistant guide and tracker, Elias, was really amazing too!  

We tracked and found five magnificent rhino; made fires from scratch; made rope from sisal; sculpted with clay from a water hole and learnt so much about the magnificent trees, insects, birds and animals around us.  The stars at night, while sitting around the campfire were spectacular too along with the story of Orion and Scorpio.  We searched for Bark Scorpions with a UV light at night and found some Flat Rock Scorpions the next day and held them in our palms.  My girls washed themselves with the leaves of the Devil Thorn creeper (brilliant natural soap); kept insects away with Wild Grape Leaves; learnt which was the toilet paper bush and my eldest used the leaves of the Lead-wood tree to help with a sinus headache. We were all in our element; it was the perfect family break.

I think the magic for me was in experiencing just how miraculous nature is.  Whilst I love seeing the big animals and the magnificent leopard we were lucky enough to see, for me there were so many magical 'smaller' moments that equaled those of seeing the big animals.   One of them was seeing how a type of grass seed (I forget the name) plants itself. Andreas showed us how when the little stem gets wet, it starts twirling and winding and in doing so embeds the seed at the end of the stem into the soil!  I was totally enchanted!

Here are a few of the hundreds of photos I took (I was just so in love with this whole vibe!)

 Rhino spoor and after about 2 and half hours we found them 

 

Our classroom in the river bed ...

Making string

Making fire 

Our traveling fire

Getting the clay ready

Note the visitors in the background ...

Beautiful design on the underside of the Terrapin

Breakfast time

 

European roller having breakfast

Washing ourselves after a midnight feast! 

Of course, let us not forget the spectacular African sunsets!

I can highly recommend a few days in the Bush with the Bateleur Mobile Camp   They do corporates, families, children's groups from age 8 upwards, ... and what an enchanting getaway!  It will definitely go down as one of my top ten holidays EVER!

Light Up, Light Up ...

A few weeks ago at a restaurant that I frequent for work and circle meetings, I heard a song that I haven't heard in a while and that I used to love.  Then I heard it again on Tuesday and decided I had to download it onto I-Tunes. In doing that I found a YouTube clip of it which I think is just beautiful.  I LOVE her voice and the end of the song gives me goosebumps.  It is Leona Lewis’ version of "Run" (the original is by Snow Patrol) and when I looked up the meaning of the lyrics, this is what I found on Wikipedia …

Snow Patrol's frontman, Gary Lightbody, conceived the idea of writing "Run" in 2000. In an interview with Michael Odell, from Q magazine, Lightbody explained the song was not written about "being a child", as he tended to say. He described: "I was on a massive bender and one night I was drinking in the bar of the Glasgow School of Art. I fell down a full flight of stairs. Jonny Quinn found me in the stairwell with blood coming out of my head ... I split my head open and my eye was closed and I lost a few teeth ... I wrote Run soon after on this little guitar I'd tried to smash up in my shitty little room near Hillhead. The words 'Light up, light up' gave me this sense of a beacon." In an interview with Daily Mail in 2009, Lightbody added: "We had nothing. I was in a flat in Glasgow. No doubt it was raining. The song was me writing about an imagined world, projecting myself into better times."

Here is the video clip.  The actual song starts about 2 minutes into it.  Enjoy!