Our Homeschooling Journey

Last week I was invited to share a bit about our homeschooling journey with some of the new homeschooling parents and I put this together. I have had a couple of Mom’s approach me to say that it has been very helpful and encouraging and so I thought I would share it here along with some of my fav photos of some of our local trips and homeschooling moments. 

Here are some pointers which I feel would have been really useful for me when we started out in 2016.
The reasons we started homeschooling were multi fold, but mainly we wanted some real quality time with our kids. I felt that we were racing down someone else’s highway, following their norms and values, trying to keep up with it all and it was just not where we wanted to be. I also clearly remember chatting to a mom who’s daughter was head of sports at her school. The mom was telling me, with such pride, that her daughter had been so busy that day that she did not have time to eat her lunch. I still remember how uncomfortable I felt about that; it felt wrong that we were encouraging our kids (and adults) to be so busy and that that was the new norm. I did not want to go any further down that highway. There was so little delight in what we were doing. I wanted us to slow down, catch our breath and carve our own road with what felt more important and joyful to us. Mary Oliver’s line “Tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” from her poem the ‘The Summer Day’ was ringing in my ears. We had also lost a couple of family members and friends in the previous years and I wanted something more from what we were doing with our lives.

When we first started, Tessa, my oldest was in grade 7 and her friends who were still at school were being piled with assignments, projects and tests. They were in complete
overwhelm and didn’t even have the time to get together. In spite of my reasons for homeschooling, it did initially make me panic as I was worried
that we were not doing enough work and that were in danger of falling behind!!! (Yes, it did feel dangerous to me.)
A friend of ours came to tea and I was telling him about this and he said, “Surely it’s about quality and not quantity.” The penny dropped! Another homeschooling mom also questioned me with “falling behind who? They are in primary school for goodness sake.” I remember her saying, “I am ‘behind’ my husband because I don’t know how to do his job, but he is ‘behind’ me, because he doesn’t have experience in what I do. So actually we are all ‘behind’ one another in so many things!” So that got me thinking and I decided that I would make sure that we kept up with our Maths, English and second language which was Afrikaans, in case they wanted to go back to main stream school. For the rest, we would see what appealed and felt interesting and joyful to us. I have to say though that this didn’t happen over night. It was a journey for all of us, slowly letting go of “should be” and immersing into what we enjoyed.
I also realised that my two children had very different learning styles and interests and what worked for the one did not suit the other. For example, Lauren, my youngest really did not enjoy the Cambridge English. It was too dry for her. Her whole body language changed when we started English each day and it felt like I was trying to draw blood from a stone! There was no ease in it. We switched to the ‘Good and the Beautiful’ program and her whole being came alive and she would ask to start the day with English. So don’t be hesitant to change curriculums and do different things with your kids. Each child is different, has different needs and learning should be joyful as much as possible.

So especially in the primary school years, I strongly encourage learning that is enjoyable, fun, stimulating and that does not involve pressure to perform, ie following a set curriculum
with tests and assignments. In my opinion and experience, it is not necessary. It sucks all the joy out of learning and induces so much unnecessary stress.

In addition to English, Maths and Afrikaans, we absolutely loved the “Footprints On Our Land” curriculum. We read all the stories (that made history come alive) and did road trips to some of those places (we have family in the Cape so that made it easier) and to this day that’s what we often talk about. The road trips (and other trips), what we learned along the way, the places we visited and the people we met. In fact, we met a woman in Prince Albert, who we did a ghost tour with, and both my girls ended up doing a year long creative writing course with her that they absolutely loved.

If I had to do it over again I would have started homeschooling sooner and done more of those trips even if it was short camping weekends in the Berg, the bush, etc. I have wonderful photographs of my hubby and my girls in their pj’s on the lounge floor, pouring over contour maps of the berg planning their hikes. There is so much real teaching just in that. Nature is phenomenal and offers so much more exciting learning than any textbook ever will! I remember a friend giving us a whole lesson on the life cycle of a dragon fly while swimming in a river in the Berg. That same friend took us to see the turtles hatching up near Bhanga Nek. Those memories and teachings are priceless and will stay with us forever.

So have fun along the way. Make it interesting for all of you. Plan trips and visits with your kids. Take a sketch book and pencils and go and sit with them in the hide in Mkuze, see what comes along and learn what you can from what arrives that day. The forest and boardwalk in Eshowe is magnificent, as is the Harold Johnson Nature reserve. The fish and sea life in the Chaka’s Rock tidal pool near Salt Cafe are beautiful to see and learn from. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Pack a picnic and go and explore. It’s all right here at our finger tips and these are the things we remember the most.
There are also so many amazing resources out there, but that said, in hindsight I would buy less of those resources. You really don’t need that much, especially when your kids are little. They learn so much through free play, art and nature. So bake, cook, allow them to have more free-play, play more games with them, go for walks, explore and have fun. I cannot recommend that enough.

The beauty with homeschooling too is that you can go at the pace that suits your child. You don’t have to stay within the confines and limits of the grade they are supposed to be in. Lauren started early with Singapore Maths and ended up doing grade eight work in grade seven. Not that you want to strive to do that as that puts pressure on your child. It just unfolded naturally. In her grade seven year, she also joined a small group that went to Tessa’s tutor once a week and Lauren absolutely loved her teaching style. She has so many amazing resources and so learning was fun and interesting for them and there was no waiting desperately for break to come around. They covered all kinds of things and Lauren told me last year that they had even covered something that is done in grade 9 science but it had come up completely naturally as they were delving into one of the topics. Isn’t that how learning should unfold, through exploration and interest?
What we didn’t do enough of though was get together with other homeschooling families. That said, we did travel a lot and there were also very few kids at the time we started homeschooling who were Tessa’s age, but that is not the case now and it is so supportive to hang out with parents and kids who are on this journey. There is so much to be said of community support, so reach out.

After 4 years at home, Lauren my youngest decided to go back to main stream school for high school. She loves hanging out with people all the time and she felt she wanted to go back and engage with friends all day! Break with mom no longer cut it. When we applied to the school we thought would most suit her, she had no reports of performance for four years and had never written an exam. The vice principal (and head of academics) was very concerned. I showed her our textbooks for Maths and English and a list of what we had done and worked with each year. She was impressed as she had assumed that we had done nothing. Lauren wrote their admission exams and she was offered a place and started in 2020. Sadly that is the year Covid hit us, so she did not really experience what she was looking for. However, despite never having done formal projects, tests and exams, she excelled last year. She was completely self driven and motivated and I had to remind her often that she is not defined by a test result. We were very proud of her efforts and motivation.
So how has she found school? She loves being with lots of kids her age (during term one and four when she was at school) but she does not enjoy the long hours and nor does she see the point of homework, let alone tests and exams. In fact, she found homework a complete waste of time and was quite annoyed that she still had homework to do “after having been at school for so many hours!” At the end of the year, she lost motivation after endless hours of revision for exams. She was so bored. That is what I am saying about sucking the joy out of learning, so in the early years, when they don’t need it, why do it?

Tessa, on the other has decided to continue with homeschooling. She loves the freedom it offers her, allowing her to work independently with her tutor and she sets her own time and pace. It’s right up her alley.

She wrote her first IGCSE exam in Nov 2019 (also after not having written exams for a four years) and she did extremely well. Covid unfortunately messed up her June 2020 exams but luckily a plan was made and then she really excelled in the Nov 2020 exams. Again, the motivation came from her. She is doing her A levels now in subjects that she absolutely loves. From my own experience in education and our homeschooling journey, I have realised the benefit of studying and delving into that which brings you joy because you are naturally drawn to it and so then the learning comes easier and flows better. I am always inspired by the quote by Howard Thurman, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

So I hope that our story will help those of you who are just starting out on your homeschooling journey. It is an amazing journey, and like everything in life, has its pro’s and cons. Remember, there is no right or wrong, but only what is right for you and your family. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy the ride.

Children Shine at Different Times

I received an insightful email from Nikki Bush, Creative Parenting Expert, and it reminded me of something that happened about three years ago with my oldest daughter.  It brought up a lot anguish for me.  The school my kids go to have a Top 6 gala every year (as there are 6 lanes in the pool) and on this particular afternoon they were having the trials for the gala.  Now, being a provincial swimmer during my school days, my girls both started swimming lessons when they were quite young, because for me, the ability to swim is really important (pool safety) and it is also a really healthy sport to do.  My daughter had been for lessons for about four years with a bit of an interruption when we moved down to the coast, so I was really confident that she would make it into the gala, I mean after all she had been swimming for four years!! 

I was sitting next to a really lovely mom, who has a very sporty child and she had started swimming lessons a few months earlier.  Anyway, the trials began, and my daughter was very excited and in a very playful mood, sitting with her new best friend (as only girls can do) that she had made that year.  So the heats for the first stroke start and it is freestyle.  To my horror, my daughter came about 4th or 5th in her heat, so that took me quite by surprise, especially when the little girl, who's mom was sitting with me, came first.  Also, some of her other little friends who had only started lessons that very year, came in just before or just after my daughter, and I didn't even think they weren't sporty! Something inside of me started to panic.  My daughter however, was not in the least bit perturbed!  She came rushing out of the pool with a big smile on her face, saying, mom, I came 5th and ran off to play with her new mate!  The next stroke was backstroke, which is not her greatest, and she came last in her heat! She had the same reaction - "Mom, I came last!" and ran off to play with not a care in the world.  Meanwhile, my panic was rising and to make matters worse, that same little girl who's mom I was sitting with, and who had only been having lessons for a few months, came first!  I could not even concentrate on what was going on around me and found myself praying to God that could my daughter please, PLEASE just make it in the next stroke, breast-stroke, which was her strong stroke!  Have you ever?!  I mean, people are struggling with all kinds of horrors out there and here I am praying for her to make it into a little school gala. Luckily for her and I (as I might have had a nervous breakdown there and then by the side of the pool) she did actually win that race and what blew me away was that she came running out of the pool with the EXACT same reaction as when she came last; "Mom, I won!!" and ran off to play.  By now, I was almost an emotional wreck!!  That's when I realized that I really needed to look at this, as it was not about her, but all about me and my needs.

This same gorgeous daughter of mine, also needed a bit of OT in her earlier years of school for some sensory integration and didn't always finish her work on time in class.  She also struggled a bit with concentration and I was terrified of the ADHD label. That particular week of the swimming trials, I think I had also had a meeting with her teacher at school and we had discussed her concentration.  So this too was all fresh in my mind.  Again, I did really well at school, and growing up, education was really emphasized.  I think it also stemmed from two parents who were not well educated at all, in fact my mom never finished high school in Holland as they needed her help on the farm!  So my parents were determined that I would get a good education, because, God forbid, if anything in life should ever happen (divorce, husband dying ...) I would be okay financially.  Oh, I forgot to add that I am an only child!

So after my panic stricken afternoon by the pool, I had a deep look at what was really going on for me to have had such a strong reaction and such deep feelings around a small school gala. 

I realized  that my sense of worth or being okay and safe in the world, stemmed from doing well academically and on the sports front; and not just doing well, but really exceeding. That need to excel filtered through to other areas of my life. So when the prospect of my daughter not making the Top 6 gala emerged, topped with the idea that she might not fly academically, my whole sense of safety started collapsing!  I have really had to work with that over the last few years and I have also realized that what is truly important, is to encourage their JOY and help them discover their natural strengths and talents and to help them to fly in those areas.  And sometimes, those areas do not receive accolades from those around them or on the school front; and sometimes those accolades happen much later in life and sometimes they arrive from the friends and family who's lives they touch.  And all of that is okay!

It hasn't been an easy journey of letting go and even a year later, I was so desperate for her to be in the top 3 of the Reading Tree event they have.  I knew that it was quite possible for her and that she was reading up a storm, but so often she would just forget to tell the librarian about the book she had read and forgot to put it on the tree and I had to sit on my hands to stop myself from going in there myself and telling the librarian just how many books my child had read.  I was so desperate for her (or me most likely) to get the recognition, because ... yes, she would then be okay!  And for her, it simply didn't matter because for her it was all about the JOY and pleasure of reading!  She's just so got it right!

So my darling daughter has brought me so many big lessons to look at and work with and she still does and I doubt whether that will ever stop.  I am truly grateful to her for that!

So in light of all the above, I was delighted when I received this email from from Nikki Bush, Creative Parenting Expert ...

Dear Pascale Schroenn, We are heading for that time of year when children get awards for their performance in the classroom or on the sports field - or they don't. There is often a small core of children who repeatedly get awards year after year, and then there is the mixed bunch surrounding this core that changes each year.  A child receiving an award is at his or her best, right now.  But the reality is that our children grow, shift and change all the time and this means that they will peak in different areas of their lives at different times.  The mastery timeline for intellectual, physical and emotional development is not cast in stone.  There are things we can do to help our children to sharpen the saw in certain areas, but sometimes it's time, maturity and patience that are required. I also believe that children grow and develop in different ways every year, many of which, may not even be directly connected to academics or sport, but may in fact be as, or more, important.  For example, it might be your child's year to grow in confidence.  Many small successes in a multitude of areas, some of which may not be publically recognised, may be just what is required to prepare the platform for your child to go on and shine at some future time.  Perhaps it has been a year of repeated disappointments, of not making sports teams or just missing the marks they were aiming for, or a year characterised by breaking up of friendships or friends moving schools or countries. This kind of year provides the opportunity to learn about failure, disappointment and perseverance.  And some children have the odd year when their health is more compromised, in some instances, just because they have grown very fast, and this too will impact on their performance both on and off the field. No two years are the same.  We need to embrace them all and ask ourselves: What were the lessons this year provided? What were the worst parts of the year? What were the best parts of the year? How are we, or how is our child, stronger for the experience? Is there anything we need to change for next year? When you have had this conversation as parents, then you can casually and, when and if appropriate, introduce the conversation to your child, to help him/her to discover the lessons and to grow from them positively.  In this way you will be helping to break through their limiting thoughts, to 'unbox' themselves, so to speak. All children need something to strive for and measure themselves against which is why we have standards, norms and award systems.  Measuring your child only against the annual school awards can, for many, be a very unfair benchmarking tool.  It can also, however, be a fantastic starting point for a conversation about individual differences, their gifts and talents and all the good things they bring into your life and the lives of others.  Children need to know that you are there every step of the way, encouraging and applauding their development, regardless of the awards they do or do not receive.  Remember that you see a lot of amazing things that others never will.  We need our kids to fully believe in the concept that everyone shines at some time or another and in very different ways.  They need to be happy for those who shine today, for it is their moment, and hold on to the belief that, "If I keep learning, practicing and growing, my time will one day come, in its very own way."  And that's okay.    Please see Nikki's website, Nikki Bush, for some really interesting and thought provoking ideas around parenting and playing with your children! Have a beautiful weekend!

THE FUN NEVER STOPS!

A friend of mine shares the following mantra with her hubby - “The fun never stops.” They apply it to their lives all the time in everything they do and I really like it.  Mentioning it to someone the other day, got me thinking about it again and how wonderful it would be to apply it to my family.  However, my immediate thinking then was, "oh, but it’s easier for them; they don’t have kids!"  

I sat with that thought for a moment and was quite taken aback by it – “so we can’t have fun because we have kids?”  Now where does that thinking come from?  I mean kids just LOVE to have fun; their lives are all about play and having fun.  They show us that all the time.  Fair enough, their fun might not always be my kind of fun, but what am I actually saying about my life?

So sitting with that thought, I wanted to know where it came from.  I know for me, becoming a parent was a big, grown-up, responsible job; not to be taken lightly.  I mean, we are dealing with children here, and their very important lives and futures!!  Therefore, perfect parenting entails that my children need to eat the correct foods, have their fish oil and vitamins, know how to swim from age two at least, get good marks at school, read well and read lots, take part in extra murals, do well at sport and school, have good manners, not have too much screen time, have the right kind of friends … now that REALLY sounds like a whole lot of fun to me!! My kids really love it too :-) Seriously though; how heavy is that and what pressure?

And with the synchronicity that only the universe could provide, a day after I started writing this, another friend of mine shared a quote with me, by Nietzsche, which is quite apt; “Maturity is to recover the seriousness one had as a child at play.” I had to read a few times to really get the essence of it and I just love it, because it highlights for me how serious I am about this parenting thing, and have lost the ability to really play.  I have been too busy trying to be the perfect parent. (I could substitute parent for package really, which includes mom, wife, friend, daughter, facilitator, cook, gardener, yogi, pianist and the list goes on.) This is a very heavy place to be in and truly just doesn’t work. It might in some areas some length of time, but it is not sustainable and I don’t think it is meant to be.

I have just realised, that this heaviness of mine is maybe why my eldest daughter jokes all the time – she’s trying to make me laugh and lighten up;  and my younger  daughter often asks me when I am cooking dinner (such timing!) to come and jump on the trampoline with her.  I mean, how can you not be light after jumping as high as you can with a bouncy giggly hair-flying-in-the-wind poppet?!  In doing some of the tasks from The Artist’s Way, I did some delving into my childhood, and my memories of it are also not always light – not enough play and too much seriousness about sport and school and here I am carrying that through with my children.

Now I’m not very good at playing some of my children’s own made-up games and just playing with them, especially when I have a particularly long to-do list.  However in working with the mantra, “the fun never stops” I feel I owe it to myself and my children to be lighter and sometimes just take 5 minutes with a simple game of noughts and crosses, a jump on the trampoline, dancing to a funky song, a quick walk with the dogs, playing piggy in the middle or maybe a swim in the pool for 20 minutes – is that really such a lot?  Nikki Bush, a parenting expert www.brightideasoutfit.com, recently wrote an article called “fantastic fun out of nothing” where she talks about spending Easter with her family, picnicking and playing soccer and volleyball in the park rather than heading off to Sun City for the day.  I loved the following words, “Children just adore playing team sports with their parents and other adults. Most importantly, all the adults took a break from their normal daily pursuits for an entire day, pressing the pause button to stop and play awhile.   It was more invigorating than going to gym, more refreshing than a walk, far cheaper than Sun City and more memorable than a meal in a fancy restaurant ”  Thank you Nikki for sharing that. How powerful a message about the joy of playing!

DON’T however let this bit of reading make you feel guilty about having to play more with your children, as that just adds to the heaviness.  Rather look at how you can you too can have fun, not just the kids. Find the games that you love too. I am also curious as to what play entails for me - what about my play?  What do I like playing at?  Do I do enough of that, or am I too busy being serious at life?  ‘Me thinks’ that is far too heavy and that it is time for some fun.  In fact, I think I am going to take a morning off next week and go to the movies! How deliciously decadent!  Or find a swing somewhere and just swing a bit – now that would be truly delightful!

May the fun never stop!