A Touch of Divinity delivered by Birds ...

I have a most unusual story to share. Actually, it shouldn’t be unusual, but I suppose it is for our everyday human mind; the one that often plays small, doubts and runs at a hundred miles an hour, leaving no space for grace.

Two weeks ago, I sat down on my yoga mat, about to start my practice, when I suddenly heard a crash. A bird had flown into our lounge glass-sliding door. I ran out to see if it was okay, as sometimes birds flying into a glass window are just stunned, need a few moments to catch their breath and then fly off again. Sadly, this beautiful Emerald spotted wood-dove had broken its neck and died a few moments later. I felt really devastated as I have a special love for birds. I’m by no means a birder; my connection with birds is somewhat different.

About ten years back, I bought a set a of bird cards by Jane Toerien and Joyce van Dobben http://www.birdcards.net/about-us/. Over the years, I have had the most amazing communication and insights through these bird cards. Sometimes, when I am feeling stuck, I search for guidance from them, by picking a card and reading the message. Other times, I get the messages delivered by a bird that arrives in my space, sometimes more than once over a couple of days, to ensure that I notice it. I then look up the particular bird in the cards to see what the message is that it carries and what it could mean for me at that time. It has been quite profound and I have, slowly over the years, learnt to trust and listen to those messages. However, when this bird smashed into our window and died, I felt really awful and didn’t want a bird to have to end its life in order to deliver its particular message to me. I was really thrown by it. I looked up the Dove card and the message was all about creating harmony when something is out of balance or alignment in one’s life; peace and hope for the future; that the sound of doves cooing has a natural harmonising effect on people and that people will naturally gravitate towards a place where Dove sound predominates, in order to unwind. It didn’t totally resonate with me, however, it all unfolded the next day.

Lots of change has been happening in our lives these past few months and most days we manage to work through the uncertainty and stress with the tools we have (meditation, yoga, forest walks, ocean swims, sunshine, essential oils, debriefing, kinesiology, coaching) but there have been a few days in the last three months where I have felt completely overwhelmed and it feels like a domino effect where it just starts up and hurtles away and I don’t know how to stop it. It is very foreign to me and I do believe that peri-menopausal hormones are at play for sure.

So this particular Wednesday was one of those days and by the afternoon, I did not know quite what to do with myself. Mark made me a cup of tea and I had such a strong urge to go and drink it in the forest on the estate where we live. The Emerald spotted wood dove has a particular call (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c0z_NVhBHjs) and as I stepped onto the boardwalk, it was the first bird sound that I heard. I was overcome with emotion thinking about the dove from the day before. I slowly moved to a spot on the board walk, stood and quietly sipped my tea. A few moments later, a bird flew onto a branch about twenty metres from me and from where I was standing, it looked like an Emerald spotted wood dove and I wondered if it would make its call so that I could confirm this. That is exactly what it did! As I listened to it, I remembered the message from the bird card, in particular, how the sound of doves can have a natural harmonising effect on people. I was blown away, as in that moment the penny dropped and I got the message. All I need to do when I feel this off balance and spun out, is to take a three minute walk into our beautiful forest, be quiet, listen to the doves and unwind from the spinning, chaotic feelings that sometimes take hold. I came out of that forest in absolute awe.

When I relayed what had happened to my dear friend Angela Deutschmann, who introduced me to the cards, I also realised that as much as I see and hear doves all the time, I would never have looked to my bird cards for the message that the dove carries. So by smashing into our window, that beautiful dove delivered what I needed to hear. I was deeply moved and deeply grateful. I still however, felt awful about it dying and felt that that had been unnecessary; it could have just hit the window, been dazed and moved on.

A few days later, I looked to a bird card for some guidance around my mom who had been in hospital. I picked the turkey card, which I haven’t picked in years, and it is all about gratitude and

thanks-giving. Low and behold, the sentence, “Death is not an issue in the bird kingdom” stood out clear as a bell. Again, another direct message, which was also in line with some personal growth work I have been sitting with, around what it means to fully embrace both the human and divine aspects of ourselves.

In the synchronicity of it all, that same week, Joe Dispenza posted this: “When we master our emotions, we master our creations.” We have been working with this in our meditations, and I felt like I had been gifted with a personal tool by that beautiful dove on how to do just that. I am eternally grateful and no longer look at or hear a dove calling, in the same way.

Then, to take it to all to another level, that Sunday, I went on a walking meditation in another forest, with my special friend Donna, who is just as in love with birds and trees as I am. We went to our usual starting point; a bench by a little stream in a small clearing in the forest. We started the meditation with our eyes closed and hands on our hearts. When the initial introduction of the meditation was over, I opened my eyes and looked at Donna who quietly pointed at a branch about 2 metres away. There, sitting, looking at us, was a beautiful Emerald spotted wood dove. It lingered for a bit, flew down to the stream, drank some water and then casually flew off. I was speechless. For the next little while of our walking meditation, I was literally awestruck and in complete reverence of what had just happened. It felt deeply sacred.

One of my most beloved quotes, by Roald Dahl is, “Those who don’t believe in magic, will never find it,” and these synchronicities, these moments of sacredness in the sometimes crazy, messy and beautiful world we live in, provide me with such wonder, magic and joy. It’s about believing in them, making the time and space for them in our hearts and trusting deeply.

Here is a poem by Mary Oliver that expresses this all so beautifully...

The World I Live In

I have refused to live

locked in the orderly house of

reasons and proofs.

the world I live in and believe in is wider than that. And anyway,

whats wrong with Maybe?

You wouldn’t believe what once or twice I have seen. I’ll just

tell you this:

only if there are angels in your head will you

ever, possibly, see one.

Those angels to me are the beautiful birds that grace us with their magnificence everyday. How blessed are we?

 Our Homeschooling Journey

Last week I was invited to share a bit about our homeschooling journey with some of the new homeschooling parents and I put this together. I have had a couple of Mom’s approach me to say that it has been very helpful and encouraging and so I thought I would share it here along with some of my fav photos of some of our local trips and homeschooling moments. 

Here are some pointers which I feel would have been really useful for me when we started out in 2016.
The reasons we started homeschooling were multi fold, but mainly we wanted some real quality time with our kids. I felt that we were racing down someone else’s highway, following their norms and values, trying to keep up with it all and it was just not where we wanted to be. I also clearly remember chatting to a mom who’s daughter was head of sports at her school. The mom was telling me, with such pride, that her daughter had been so busy that day that she did not have time to eat her lunch. I still remember how uncomfortable I felt about that; it felt wrong that we were encouraging our kids (and adults) to be so busy and that that was the new norm. I did not want to go any further down that highway. There was so little delight in what we were doing. I wanted us to slow down, catch our breath and carve our own road with what felt more important and joyful to us. Mary Oliver’s line “Tell me what it is you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” from her poem the ‘The Summer Day’ was ringing in my ears. We had also lost a couple of family members and friends in the previous years and I wanted something more from what we were doing with our lives.

When we first started, Tessa, my oldest was in grade 7 and her friends who were still at school were being piled with assignments, projects and tests. They were in complete
overwhelm and didn’t even have the time to get together. In spite of my reasons for homeschooling, it did initially make me panic as I was worried
that we were not doing enough work and that were in danger of falling behind!!! (Yes, it did feel dangerous to me.)
A friend of ours came to tea and I was telling him about this and he said, “Surely it’s about quality and not quantity.” The penny dropped! Another homeschooling mom also questioned me with “falling behind who? They are in primary school for goodness sake.” I remember her saying, “I am ‘behind’ my husband because I don’t know how to do his job, but he is ‘behind’ me, because he doesn’t have experience in what I do. So actually we are all ‘behind’ one another in so many things!” So that got me thinking and I decided that I would make sure that we kept up with our Maths, English and second language which was Afrikaans, in case they wanted to go back to main stream school. For the rest, we would see what appealed and felt interesting and joyful to us. I have to say though that this didn’t happen over night. It was a journey for all of us, slowly letting go of “should be” and immersing into what we enjoyed.
I also realised that my two children had very different learning styles and interests and what worked for the one did not suit the other. For example, Lauren, my youngest really did not enjoy the Cambridge English. It was too dry for her. Her whole body language changed when we started English each day and it felt like I was trying to draw blood from a stone! There was no ease in it. We switched to the ‘Good and the Beautiful’ program and her whole being came alive and she would ask to start the day with English. So don’t be hesitant to change curriculums and do different things with your kids. Each child is different, has different needs and learning should be joyful as much as possible.

So especially in the primary school years, I strongly encourage learning that is enjoyable, fun, stimulating and that does not involve pressure to perform, ie following a set curriculum
with tests and assignments. In my opinion and experience, it is not necessary. It sucks all the joy out of learning and induces so much unnecessary stress.

In addition to English, Maths and Afrikaans, we absolutely loved the “Footprints On Our Land” curriculum. We read all the stories (that made history come alive) and did road trips to some of those places (we have family in the Cape so that made it easier) and to this day that’s what we often talk about. The road trips (and other trips), what we learned along the way, the places we visited and the people we met. In fact, we met a woman in Prince Albert, who we did a ghost tour with, and both my girls ended up doing a year long creative writing course with her that they absolutely loved.

If I had to do it over again I would have started homeschooling sooner and done more of those trips even if it was short camping weekends in the Berg, the bush, etc. I have wonderful photographs of my hubby and my girls in their pj’s on the lounge floor, pouring over contour maps of the berg planning their hikes. There is so much real teaching just in that. Nature is phenomenal and offers so much more exciting learning than any textbook ever will! I remember a friend giving us a whole lesson on the life cycle of a dragon fly while swimming in a river in the Berg. That same friend took us to see the turtles hatching up near Bhanga Nek. Those memories and teachings are priceless and will stay with us forever.

So have fun along the way. Make it interesting for all of you. Plan trips and visits with your kids. Take a sketch book and pencils and go and sit with them in the hide in Mkuze, see what comes along and learn what you can from what arrives that day. The forest and boardwalk in Eshowe is magnificent, as is the Harold Johnson Nature reserve. The fish and sea life in the Chaka’s Rock tidal pool near Salt Cafe are beautiful to see and learn from. It doesn’t have to be expensive. Pack a picnic and go and explore. It’s all right here at our finger tips and these are the things we remember the most.
There are also so many amazing resources out there, but that said, in hindsight I would buy less of those resources. You really don’t need that much, especially when your kids are little. They learn so much through free play, art and nature. So bake, cook, allow them to have more free-play, play more games with them, go for walks, explore and have fun. I cannot recommend that enough.

The beauty with homeschooling too is that you can go at the pace that suits your child. You don’t have to stay within the confines and limits of the grade they are supposed to be in. Lauren started early with Singapore Maths and ended up doing grade eight work in grade seven. Not that you want to strive to do that as that puts pressure on your child. It just unfolded naturally. In her grade seven year, she also joined a small group that went to Tessa’s tutor once a week and Lauren absolutely loved her teaching style. She has so many amazing resources and so learning was fun and interesting for them and there was no waiting desperately for break to come around. They covered all kinds of things and Lauren told me last year that they had even covered something that is done in grade 9 science but it had come up completely naturally as they were delving into one of the topics. Isn’t that how learning should unfold, through exploration and interest?
What we didn’t do enough of though was get together with other homeschooling families. That said, we did travel a lot and there were also very few kids at the time we started homeschooling who were Tessa’s age, but that is not the case now and it is so supportive to hang out with parents and kids who are on this journey. There is so much to be said of community support, so reach out.

After 4 years at home, Lauren my youngest decided to go back to main stream school for high school. She loves hanging out with people all the time and she felt she wanted to go back and engage with friends all day! Break with mom no longer cut it. When we applied to the school we thought would most suit her, she had no reports of performance for four years and had never written an exam. The vice principal (and head of academics) was very concerned. I showed her our textbooks for Maths and English and a list of what we had done and worked with each year. She was impressed as she had assumed that we had done nothing. Lauren wrote their admission exams and she was offered a place and started in 2020. Sadly that is the year Covid hit us, so she did not really experience what she was looking for. However, despite never having done formal projects, tests and exams, she excelled last year. She was completely self driven and motivated and I had to remind her often that she is not defined by a test result. We were very proud of her efforts and motivation.
So how has she found school? She loves being with lots of kids her age (during term one and four when she was at school) but she does not enjoy the long hours and nor does she see the point of homework, let alone tests and exams. In fact, she found homework a complete waste of time and was quite annoyed that she still had homework to do “after having been at school for so many hours!” At the end of the year, she lost motivation after endless hours of revision for exams. She was so bored. That is what I am saying about sucking the joy out of learning, so in the early years, when they don’t need it, why do it?

Tessa, on the other has decided to continue with homeschooling. She loves the freedom it offers her, allowing her to work independently with her tutor and she sets her own time and pace. It’s right up her alley.

She wrote her first IGCSE exam in Nov 2019 (also after not having written exams for a four years) and she did extremely well. Covid unfortunately messed up her June 2020 exams but luckily a plan was made and then she really excelled in the Nov 2020 exams. Again, the motivation came from her. She is doing her A levels now in subjects that she absolutely loves. From my own experience in education and our homeschooling journey, I have realised the benefit of studying and delving into that which brings you joy because you are naturally drawn to it and so then the learning comes easier and flows better. I am always inspired by the quote by Howard Thurman, “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is more people who have come alive.”

So I hope that our story will help those of you who are just starting out on your homeschooling journey. It is an amazing journey, and like everything in life, has its pro’s and cons. Remember, there is no right or wrong, but only what is right for you and your family. Most importantly, have fun and enjoy the ride.

 

Labyrinth Gifts

I have had a few reminders of labyrinths in the last few days, the latest one during my morning meditation today, so I thought I would be brave and share a bit.  

But before, very briefly, the concept of a labyrinth dates back to about 2500 BC and is supposed to represent the shape of mother nature with the single access place reflecting the umbilical cord; giving birth to our soul. Unlike a maze where you can get lost and come to many a dead end, a labyrinth follows a pattern and so in removing choices in the path walked, the pattern allows for deep contemplation and opens up its walkers to their Divine inner wisdom.  

One of my most loved and sacred spaces that I was blessed enough to visit on numerous occasions, was the majestic labyrinth at Boondocks, near Barberton in Mpumalanga.  I went down a bit of a memory lane today with some melancholy and sadness as I would really love to visit and walk that labyrinth again.  It has an energy all of its own.  It is based on the classic medieval labyrinth in Charles Cathedral in France, which was built in 1204.  I have not been to the one in France and would one day really love to visit it.  I wonder if it will have the same effect on me as the one in Mpumalanga.  As I said, this labyrinth created by Stuart Jenson, who sadly passed away in 2016, is simply magical.  It lies under a magnificent canopy of trees, along a little stream and is frequented by exquisite forest birds and creatures and it also rests upon powerful ancient rocks which date back 3.5-billion years.  Stuart built it around the trees and as a result, the path is adapted, hence every now and again there is a beautiful bend that wasn’t in the original and a curve cradles a tree, allowing it to remain. This sacred space has helped me discover numerous insights and process many emotions in unique ways.  Some times I felt heavy and weighed down and at other times, I skipped and danced my whole way through the labyrinth, light as a feather.  I’ve walked it slowly and lain in the centre for what feels like hours, I’ve walked it alone, with close friends and with other retreaters.  Every time it has offered gifts, big and small.  Once, I could even smell the presence of my grandmother.  I was deeply moved.  Different areas seem to invite different reflections. It feels like the Divine is having a conversation with you through the labyrinth and all that surrounds it… the trees, the wind, the leaves, the birds, the stream, the stillness…  They all offer messages and reflections.  It is a deeply sacred space.

My whole family has been blessed to share in the majesty of this beautiful creation and I am very grateful for this.  It will always have a very special place in my heart.  Thank you Stuart, always for this gift.
The other message I received around labyrinths in the last few days is when I was pondering some of my patterning I have been working on for a long time and it still keeps cropping up in different ways.  I was feeling that I had surely dealt with this by now.  Then, I came across this paragraph in one of my readings from Angela Deutschmann (who introduced me to Boondocks, Ann Barr and Stuart Jenson.) It was perfect timing and I found it very comforting.   

“This is unquestionably your next step up. And it is also a next step up for a large group of people who have been steadily growing, steadily healing, steadily lifting out of shame and blame and victimhood.
There are natural steps along that road, you know. And you can’t rush them. And you can’t skip a few. Often the path, like a labyrinth, turns you back to where you think you’ve already been. Yes. The evolution of you is and will always be a mystery. You will never understand it completely. You are not meant to control it, or be in any way in charge of how and when and through what means your evolving occurs.  And you needn’t understand all of it or be in charge of your journey. There will always be unexpected events, both in your world and in yourself. And there will always be an invisible guiding hand underneath your path.”

I felt a deep sense of gratitude and it reminded me that being aware of our patterns is part of our unique journey of evolution.  

While the Boondocks labyrinth is no longer available for public visiting, I am finding huge joy, comfort, contemplation and Divine connection in the magnificent forests that surround us here on the North Coast.  They too, along with their charming creatures, convey beautiful messages of contemplation every time.  Even simply sitting in my garden in the morning sun and drinking a cup of tea invites these joyful moments. 

All we ever need to do is to is to face fully and tell the truth about where we are in each moment.

For Stuart's Memorial

Silence ... Spaciousness ... Safety

I haven't written on my blog in about a year (more of that later) and I saw this draft in the draft that had been saved.  This retreat was over a year ago and I have since been to the BRC since then, on another beautiful retreat which I will share sometime soon, but I felt it was important to share this.  So from a year ago ...

I spent this past long weekend on a silent retreat with Sue Cooper at the Buddhist Retreat Centre (BRC) in Ixopo.  It was really profound. There were thirty two participants which at first threw me a bit as I found that quite a large number and I was sure it would impact the retreat as there were just too many of us.  However, I was pleasantly surprised at how it all just flowed with such ease and magnificence.

There was a lot of opportunity for meditation, from sitting meditation, to walking meditation, Chi-kung movement meditation, "mindful" tea and of course everything in silence was a like a meditation on its own.  Once a day we had what Sue terms a "talking" meditation, which in essence is circle sharing, where everyone has a turn to share where they are at and what they are experiencing.  Only Sue responds to each person.  I always find circle sharing very powerful and the more we delved into the silence and meditation and the more we opened our hearts, the more real and deep and from the heart the sharing become.  I absolutely loved it.  It takes huge courage to be vulnerable and the resistance can be huge, but the release and the power in that is amazing.

One of my my Core Desired Feelings (Daniele LaPorte's "The Desire Map") is Spaciousness and that was definitely something I fully experienced at the BRC in those beautiful surroundings among the hills in Ixopo.  Silence for four days plays a huge role in creating space in the mind and in the heart too and my whole being was moved by all this immense spaciousness.  It was beautiful.

Sue shared many things with us this weekend including this beautiful poem which really spoke to me and on reflection,  helped find a sense of safety within my own heart ...

Having loved enough and lost enough,
I am no longer searching,
just opening.

No longer trying to make sense of pain,
but trying to be a soft and sturdy home
in which real things can land.

Mark Nepo

If you can do one of Sue's silent retreats, Sue Cooper, I strongly urge you to gift yourself with one of these.  They are profound. 

The Voice Of The Rain - Poem by Walt Whitman

I came across this poem today and thought it was beautiful. I particularly like the last line of the poem.  I have included a short translation.  Enjoy

And who art thou? said I to the soft-falling shower,
Which, strange to tell, gave me an answer, as here translated: I am the Poem of Earth, said the voice of the rain, Eternal I rise impalpable out of the land and the bottomless sea, Upward to heaven, whence, vaguely form'd, altogether changed, and yet the same, I descend to lave the drouths, atomies, dust-layers of the globe, And all that in them without me were seeds only, latent, unborn; And forever, by day and night, I give back life to my own origin, and make pure and beautify it; (For song, issuing from its birth-place, after fulfilment, wandering, Reck'd or unreck'd, duly with love returns.) 

Hearing this, the poet compares it to a song, which rises from its birthplace (the heart) roams around for a bit, and, whether heard and enjoyed or not, returns back to the heart and settles there when he stops singing, remaining a happy memory.

In this poem, the poet asks the rain shower who it is, and the shower replies that it's the poem of the earth.....it rises from the land and seas in the form of untouchable mist, in a form that's physically very different from its true self but otherwise just the same, to the sky. from there, it goes back down, and quenches the thirst of everything, right down to small dust particles. It also gives life to seeds and helps them grow into thriving plants. Thus, it gives back what it takes, life, to the earth, and also makes it pure and beautiful.

An exciting discovery

In December I had coffee with a colleague I haven't seen in a few years and she told about the Emerging Women Company and I have to say that I am really inspired by this.  From the moment I saw their slogan "Live the truth of who you are," I was hooked.  I love the concept and I love what they do.  I was also really excited to read about their power circles. 

Here is the write up on their website page 

'Emerging Women exists to support and inspire women to express themselves authentically through the work that they do. We strive to provide the tools, knowledge, and network to help women lead, start and grow businesses in a way that integrates feminine values such as connection, collaboration and heart. It is our desire that women have a strong voice in the shaping of our world's future.'

I am hoping to go to their Emerging Women Live Conference in San Francisco in October (I'm putting it out there) as Elizabeth Gilbert and Brene Brown are the main speakers.  What a team!  Check it out. 

I hope you find some podcasts, blog posts, insights and videos that will inspire you too.

A Moving Farewell

Just over a week ago, my cousin Daniel from The Netherlands, died after a two year long battle with stomach cancer.  His funeral was this past Wednesday and luckily with advanced technology we were able to watch it via a live-stream webcast.  Amazing!

The farewell was phenomenally moving and what blew me away was that he planned the entire proceedings to the very last detail.  I think it takes huge strength of character, at age 37, to face the reality of your impending death with such maturity.  The woman who conducted the farewell service had been his cancer support counselor and she led the service beautifully.  She read out his words and wishes with such passion, respect, understanding and love.  I was moved by how he and his long standing girlfriend Dominique made the decision, when they realised they could not surmount this wall of cancer they kept bumping into, that they would enjoy the fruits that were offered on this side of the wall and came to accept that the other side was just not meant for them. I think it takes a huge amount of maturity to work at that level of acceptance and to make the most of it. I also appreciated him sharing what his counselor had discussed with him around his and his family's anger.  She said that underneath their anger was a lot of deep grief and this resonates with what Brene Brown talks about when she says that anger is just a bodyguard for sadness.  I am hoping that with time my uncle can get passed his anger and allow himself to grieve deeply for his huge, devastating loss.

I was also amazed at how he had the service begin with a little mini-meditation where everyone was led to become aware of their in and out breath and then to find an image of him that they loved and then to welcome love and friendship into their hearts.  For my very traditional Dutch family, I thought that was wonderful and very brave.  But I guess when you are facing your imminent death, you drop the need to please and worry what others will think and you just become more and more real.

So here's to an amazing young man, my cousin Daniel.  It was a privilege to be present at his farewell service.  Thank you for sharing so much with us. May you rest in peace.

Myself, my cousin Sandra and Daniel on a trip to Cape Town 20 years ago